Posts
2 hours ago
Thursday, April 30, 2009
1901 motorcycles....
The first one is a 1901 Indian prototype, the second one is also an Indian built between 1901 and 1909, the third bike is a Werner and the fourth a Minerva...Enjoy !
He's the reason I became a rider
When I was a kid my brother Jerry took me to watch the great escape and I immediately got hooked on Motorcycles when Steve McQueen made that jump over the Fence
The preacher
An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, 'Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.
This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this.
Now, I want the party who did this to stand up and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian Family.'
No one moved. The preacher continued, 'Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory Now stand and confess your transgression.'
Again all was quiet. Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, 'Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan.
I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets.' The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.
Arthritis....
A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest.The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, 'Say Father, what causes arthritis?' The priest replies, 'My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.' The drunk muttered in response , then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. 'I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?'
The drunk answered, 'I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does....
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
Innocence is Priceless
One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it. The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, 'Good morning Alex.'
Good morning Pastor? he replied, still focused on the plaque. Pastor, what is this??
The pastor said, ? Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service?. ...Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.
Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked,
Which service...the 8:30 or the 10:30
Good morning Pastor? he replied, still focused on the plaque. Pastor, what is this??
The pastor said, ? Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service?. ...Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.
Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked,
Which service...the 8:30 or the 10:30
Wonderful English from around the world
In a
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
Doctors office,
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Dry cleaners,
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
In a
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
On the main road to Mombassa, leaving
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.
In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
In a
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
Hotel in
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Hotel in
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
A sign posted in
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR
Hotel,
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOMS, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Advertisement for donkey rides,
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
Airline ticket office,
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
A laundry in
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Life was different back then....
Comments Made in the Year 1955!
That's only 54 years ago!
'I' ll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20.00.'
'Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $2,000.00 will only buy a used one.'
'If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous.
'Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?'
'If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store.'
'When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 29 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage.'
'Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as long as the girls.'
'I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in GONE WITH THE WIND, it seems every new movie has either HELL or DAMN in it!'
'I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas '
'Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball?It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the President.'
'I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now.'
'It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet.'
'It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work.'
'Marriage doesn't mean a thing any more, those Hollywood stars seem to be getting divorced at the drop of a hat.'
'I'm afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business.'
'The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on.'
'There is no sense going for a weekend, it costs nearly $15.00 a night to stay in a hotel.'
'No one can afford to be sick anymore, at $35.00 a day in the hospital it's too rich for my blood.'
'If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it.'
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Cowboys know best
A young, good looking Cowboy walked into a drug store in Montana and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.
The woman he was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist and as she and her sister owned the store,
there were no males employed there. She then asked if she could help him.
The cowpoke said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.
The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss,
he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.
The cowboy then agreed and began by saying, 'This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection.
It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it.'
The pharmacist said, 'Just a minute, I'll talk to my sister.' When she returned, she said, We discussed it at length and
the absolute best we can do is as follows:
1/3 ownership in the store,
A company pickup truck, and
$3,000 a month living expenses.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Research indicates....
Results of a recent research indicate that there are 7 kinds of
sex:
The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.
This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex
until you are blue in the face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each
other in the Hallway you both say 'screw you.'
The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex.
This means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)
The 6th kind is called: Courtroom Sex.
This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws
you in front of everyone.
And last, but not least,
The 7th kind of sex is called: Pension Sex.
You get a little each month, but not enough to enjoy yourself.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Irish Wisdom.................
98-year-old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying.
The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey
comfortable. They tried giving her some warm milk to drink but she
refused it.
One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen and remembering a
bottle of Irish Whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she
opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.
Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother
drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had
drank the whole glass down to the last drop.
"Mother," the nuns asked with earnest, "please give us some wisdom
before you die."
She raised herself up in bed and said, "Don't sell that cow."
A History Lesson about to begin...
a 1900 motor bike....built by NSR who went on to actually build motorcycles...This is a beauty..I've decided to post ancient motorcycles in a chronicle, in order to build up a story on how motorcycles came to be and how they evolved over the years to become the wonderful, fully relaible fun machines they are today...it took almost a century to perfect this baby we love, cherish, ride and worship...and there's still more work to be done, if we want our children and grand children to follow suit and enjoy the ride of their life on a motorcycle or scoot or bicycle for that matter. So bear with me as I organize my thoughts on this subject and bring it to a more tabulated and documented approach/style. Cheers to all, Keep well and ride safe...!!!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Best Joke in Ireland
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Voted Best Joke in Ireland 2008!
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life!, between the legs of me wife!' That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, 'I won the prize for the Best toast of the night.' She said, 'Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?' John said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.' 'Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!' Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said, 'John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.' She said, 'Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised me-self. You know , he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.'
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Ponderings
1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?
7. Why does “fat chance” and “slim chance” mean the same thing?
8. Why do “tug” boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing “Take me out to the ball game,” when we are already there?
10. Why are they called “stands” when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
12. Doesn’t “expecting the unexpected” make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a “wise man” and”wise guy” opposites?
14. Why do “overlook” and “oversee” mean opposite things?
15.. Why is “phonics” not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17.. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them?
25. Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
27. Christmas, what other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree, and eat candy out of your socks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?
7. Why does “fat chance” and “slim chance” mean the same thing?
8. Why do “tug” boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing “Take me out to the ball game,” when we are already there?
10. Why are they called “stands” when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
12. Doesn’t “expecting the unexpected” make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a “wise man” and”wise guy” opposites?
14. Why do “overlook” and “oversee” mean opposite things?
15.. Why is “phonics” not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17.. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them?
25. Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
27. Christmas, what other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree, and eat candy out of your socks?
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Golf ....anyone....enjoy the day...!!!!
Healing hands:
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.**
The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. 'Please!!!! Please!!!! allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently
took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and
put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?
He replied: 'It feels great, but I think my thumb's still broken!'
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