DOUG LANDIS - a legend

Doug Landis wasn't an artist until a high school wrestling accident left him quadraplegic.
His brother monte challenged him to draw, placed a pencil in his mouth and the rest is history

A smile from the Sky

Research indicates....

Results of a recent research indicate that there are 7 kinds of
sex:

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.
This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex
until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each
other in the Hallway you both say 'screw you.'

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex.
This means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)

The 6th kind is called: Courtroom Sex.
This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws
you in front of everyone.

And last, but not least,
The 7th kind of sex is called: Pension Sex.
You get a little each month, but not enough to enjoy yourself.

Best Joke in Ireland

Voted Best Joke in Ireland 2008!

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life!, between the legs of me wife!' That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, 'I won the prize for the Best toast of the night.' She said, 'Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?' John said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.' 'Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!' Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, 'John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.' She said, 'Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised me-self. You know , he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.'

Ponderings

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

6. Why does “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?

7. Why does “fat chance” and “slim chance” mean the same thing?

8. Why do “tug” boats push their barges?

9. Why do we sing “Take me out to the ball game,” when we are already there?

10. Why are they called “stands” when they are made for sitting?

11. Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?

12. Doesn’t “expecting the unexpected” make the unexpected expected?

13. Why are a “wise man” and”wise guy” opposites?

14. Why do “overlook” and “oversee” mean opposite things?

15.. Why is “phonics” not spelled the way it sounds?

16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

17.. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?

21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?

24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them?

25. Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?

27. Christmas, what other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree, and eat candy out of your socks?

What do we know about numbers

To Be Young Again

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she wasso old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, 'If you don'tremember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five tosix.'

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried invain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Momexplained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her.Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?'

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: 'The mannamed Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but hiswife looked back and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked: 'What happened to the flea?'

Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and arapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust...'He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter whowas listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'

Some amazing hand painted pictures...litterally