Best Joke in Ireland

Voted Best Joke in Ireland 2008!

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life!, between the legs of me wife!' That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, 'I won the prize for the Best toast of the night.' She said, 'Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?' John said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.' 'Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!' Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, 'John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.' She said, 'Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised me-self. You know , he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.'

Happy Easter to All

Tech Support

One day a blonde was having trouble with her computer, so she calls tech support.

"Hello how can I help you?," the tech support woman says.

"Yes, I am having trouble getting my computer to do anything," the blonde says.

"What window do you have open?"

"Are you crazy! it's freezing cold outside!"

Important notice....!

Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil,
as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel
has been turned off.

We apologize for the inconvenience.

Acronyms & Abbreviations

AAMOF - As A Matter Of Fact
AFAIK - As Far As I Know
AFAIC - As Far As I’m Concerned
AFAICT - As Far As I Can Tell
AFK - Away From Keyboard
ASAP - As Soon As Possible
ASL - Age,Sex,Location
BAG - Big @ss Grin
BAK - Back At Keyboard
BBL - Be Back Later
BF - BoyFriend
BFD - Big Fricken Deal
BITMT - But In The Meantime
BOT - Back On Topic
BRB - Be Right Back
BSEG - BIG Sh*t Eat’n Grin
BTW - By the way
C4N - Ciao For Now
CRS - Can’t Remember “Stuff”
CU - See You
CUL8R - See You Later
CWOT - Complete Waste Of Time
CYA - See Ya
DIY - Do It Yourself
EOD - End Of Discussion
EZ - Easy
F2F - Face To Face
FAQ - Frequently Asked Questions
FBOW - For Better Or Worse
FOAF - Friend Of A Friend
FOCL - Falling Off Chair Laughing
FWIW - For What It’s Worth
FYA - For Your Amusement
FYI - For Your Information
/ga - Go Ahead
GAL - Get A Life
GBTW - Get Back To Work
GF - Girlfriend
GFC - Going For Coffee
GFETE - Grinning From Ear To Ear
GMTA - Great minds think alike
GR&D - Grinning, Running & Ducking
GTG - Got To Go
GTGTTBR - Got To Go To The Bathroom
GTRM - Going To Read Mail
GU - Geographically Undesirable
H8 - Hate
HAND - Have A Nice Day
HHOK - Ha Ha Only Kidding
HTH - Hope This Helps
IAC - In Any Case
IAE - In Any Event
IANAL - I am not a lawyer
IC - I See
IDGI - I Don’t Get It
IDK – I didn't know
IK – I know
IMCO - In My Considered Opinion
IMHO - In my humble opinion
IMNHO - In my NEVER humble opinion
IMNSHO - in My Not So Humble Opinion
IMO - In My Opinion
IMPE - In My Personal Experience
IMVHO - In My Very Humble Opinion
IOW - In Other Words
IRL - In Real Life
ISP - Internet Service Provider
IYKWIM - If You Know What I Mean
JIC - Just In Case
J/K - Just kidding
KISS - Keep It Simple Stupid
L8R - Later
LOL - Laughing Out Loud
LMAO - Laughing My Arse Off
LMFAO - Laughing My F*cking Arse Off
LTNS - Long Time No See
MorF - Male or Female
MTCW - My Two Cents Worth
NBD - No Big Deal
NRN - No Reply Necessary
NTK - Need To Know
ONNA - Oh No, Not Again!
OTOH - On The Other Hand
OTTOMH - Off the top of my head
OIC - Oh I See
OTF - On The Floor
OLL - Online Love
PITA - Pain In The @ss
PLS - Please
PSTFU - Please…Shut The Fluck Up
PU - That Stinks!
REHI - Hello Again (re-Hi!)
RL - Real Life
ROFL - Rolling On Floor Laughing
ROTF - Rolling On The Floor
ROTFL - Rolling On The Floor Laughing
RSN - Real Soon Now
RTDox - Read The Documentation
RTFM - Read The Frickin’ Manual
RUOK - Are You OK?
RW - Real World
SNAFU - Situation Normal All Fouled Up
SO - Significant Other
SOL - Smiling Out Loud (or Sh*t Out of Luck)
TANSTAAFL - There Ain’t No Such Thing As A Free Lunch
TAFN - That’s All For Now
TEOTWAWKI - The End Of The World As We Know It
TMI - To Much Information
TTFN - Ta Tah For Now
TTYL – Talk to you later
TY - Thank You
WEG - Wicked Evil Grin
WTF - What The F*ck
YW - Your Welcome

Merry Christmas .... peace be with you

Music Lovers....!!!!!

This site is great!!!

Just type in any song that was ever played, and see what happens. Then, following the
end of the song, it will keep playing songs of the same era forever.
http://www.theradio.com
Enjoy and God Bless you all in Music..................

Maxine

Your top performers deserve ...ATTENTION

Manage your top performers

Your star performers may be a little more demanding than your average performers. They tend to leave companies if they feel they're not getting enough attention.

Factor these points in:

• Give your top performers some leeway. Avoid micromanaging and give them the room to do their best.
• Get their input often. If you don't seek their ideas, they'll stop giving them to you.
• Reward excellent performance with extra perks. However, be modest and be careful not to create an atmosphere of resentment with massive bonuses, for example.
• Point out where they need to improve; you want to encourage even your best performers to strive harder.
• Praise top performers when they excel. Don't assume that they know they're doing a good job.

You Feeling Down....?

YOUR CROSS

Whatever your cross
Whatever your pain
There will always be sunshine
After the rain
Perhaps you may stumble
Perhaps even fall
But God's always there
To help you through it all

The Tax Poem...story of our lives......

The Tax Poem


At first I thought this was funny...then I realized the

awful truth of it. Be sure to read all the way to the end!

Tax his land,

Tax his bed,

Tax the table

At which he's fed.

Tax his tractor,

Tax his mule,

Teach him taxes

Are the rule.

Tax his work,

Tax his pay,

He works for peanuts

Anyway!

Tax his cow,

Tax his goat,

Tax his pants,

Tax his coat.

Tax his ties,

Tax his shirt,

Tax his work,

Tax his dirt.

Tax his drink,

Tax him if he

Tries to think.

Tax his cigars,

Tax his beers,

If he cries

Tax his tears.

Tax his car,

Tax his gas,

Find other ways

To tax his ass.

Tax all he has

Then let him know

That you won't be done

Till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers;

Then tax him some more,

Tax him till

He's good and sore.

Then tax his coffin,

Tax his grave,

Tax the sod in

Which he's laid.

Put these words

Upon his tomb,

'Taxes drove me

to my doom...'


When he's gone,

Do not relax,

Its time to apply

The inheritance tax.

Accounts Receivable Tax

Airline surcharge tax

Airline Fuel Tax

Airport Maintenance Tax

Building Permit Tax

Cigarette Tax

Corporate Income Tax

Death Tax

Dog License Tax

Driving Permit Tax

Excise Taxes

Federal Income Tax

Federal Unemployment (UI)

Fishing License Tax

Food License Tax

Gasoline Tax ( too much per litre)

Gross Receipts Tax

Health Tax

Hunting License Tax

Hydro Tax

Inheritance Tax

Interest Tax

Liquor Tax

Luxury Taxes

Marriage License Tax

Medicare Tax

Mortgage Tax

Personal Income Tax

Poverty Tax

Prescription Drug Tax

Property Tax

Provincial Income Tax

Real Estate Tax

Recreational Vehicle Tax

Retail Sales Tax

Service Charge Tax

School Tax

Telephone Federal Tax

Telephone Federal, Provincial and Local Surcharge Taxes

Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax

Vehicle License Registration Tax

Vehicle Sales Tax

Water Tax

Watercraft Registration Tax

Well Permit Tax

Workers Compensation Tax


STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?


Not one of these taxes existed 92 years ago, and our

nation was one of the most prosperous in the world.


We had absolutely no national debt




What in the hell happened? ....you tell me brother

You want fries with That?

Companies who teach their employees upselling techniques will certainly benefit from an increase in sales revenue and Customer Satisfaction, with very little additional effort or expenditure required.

The ability to upsell depends on how well the employee knows the company products. If a customer is buying a digital camera, you may want to offer a memory card, or a protective case or additional batteries. On the other hand, if a customer is ordering a Hamburger, then the proverbial:” You want fries with that”, bacon or cheese, applies here.

Use the KISS principle...Keep it Simple Silly...and always, always, always be polite and courteous....This will go a long ways in creating and keeping customer loyalty and trust.

Upselling and cross-selling are terms often used interchangeably and they are essentially the same thing.....

It doesn't matter if you sell on EBAY, are a retail store or a discount or trade warehouse. There are simple things you can do to ensure customer awareness for your products, as a satisfied customer will most likely buy from the same source again...

What can you do to increase future sales when shipping products out...In today's competitive, low margin markets, it is no longer enough to ship your product out as ordered, with an invoice and a Packing slip... Give some thought to including a flyer on upcoming specials inside the shipment, or even a flyer on a special featured product...simple to do, doesn't cost much in time or money and will certainly almost pay off in the future.

Customers want to be sold, want to get a good deal, offering real value...so being the cheapest supplier won't always get you the business.... Good Customer Service will.

Every business manager, owner, administrator should seriously evaluate his/her employees abilities to upsell effectively... No talent required here...It's a technique that can be taught and learned.

Isn't life beautiful?

Is it a drag for you to get out of bed every morning?
Do you find it difficult to go to work every day?
Do you find you put in many hours of work for very little compensation...ie MONEY?
Would you rather be doing something else instead?
What are your dreams?
What do you want to be when you grow up? ..... so to speak.....!!!!!

What's Your Biggest Beef at Work?

DO YOU DREAD GOING TO WORK IN THE MORNING?
HAVE YOU BEEN HARASSED BY YOUR CO-WORKERS?
BETTER STILL: Did your Boss try to get into your pants?
Send us your comments....., they will be private, but they will make for a lot of hot, anonymous stories......!!!!!

Skype

Are you running a small home based business?
Are you a road warrior?
Are you spending more than you should on your long distane calls?
Do you want a simple, straight-forward system that will let you talk on the phone as much as you either want to or need to?
If your answer to any of these questions is: YES
Then check out:
www.skype.com

ARE YOU IN SALES ---- Closing Sales

Are you in Sales.....Yes...you say.....!!! read on

• A Direct Close - Simply ask for the order when you are sure your prospect is ready.

• A Deal/Concession Close - Using this closing technique gives the prospect the feeling that they are making a smart choice, getting more value and saving money. . Use it with phrases like: "Order today and I can add this extra feature for only 10 percent more."

• A Time-Driven Close - This one works well with statements like: "Prices are going up next Wednesday, so you should go ahead a let me process your order today."

• Trial Offer - You can let the prospect use the product at no risk for a trial period. They aren't likely to want to give it back if it has saved them time and effort during the trial period. If, on the flop side, they haven't had the experience you told them they would with the product, then you probably won't get another chance.

"ID 10 T" Error - Computer problems anyone?

Last Saturday morning, after my usual cup of coffee in the kitchen, I headed on to my study to check out my emails and take care of a few online chores when suddenly I began having trouble with my computer, so being stuck and not knowing what to do, I called Justin, the 11 year old boy from next door, whose bedroom looks like a mission control center, and asked if he could come over to have a look at it, and see if anything could be done.

After looking at the computer and clicking a couple of buttons, he solved the problem. As he was walking away, I called after him and asked “What was wrong?”.

He replied, “It was an "ID ten T" Error”. As you might imagine, I didn’t want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, “An ID ten T" error" ?, What is that, in case I need to fix it again.

Justin grinned… “Haven’t you ever heard of an "ID ten T" Error" before ? "No, I replied". “Write it down he said, and I think you will figure it out”

So, I wrote down: ID10T

Isn't it funny how we get tangled up in twists and details that we tend not to see the Forrest for the Trees.

Phonetic alphabet with morse code

Phonetic Alphabet

Useful for spelling words and names over the phone.

NATO Phonetic Alphabet

Letter	phonetic letter
A	Alpha
B	Bravo
C	Charlie
D	Delta
E	Echo
F	Foxtrot
G	Golf
H	Hotel
I	India
J	Juliet
K	Kilo
L	Lima
M	Mike
N	November
O	Oscar
P	Papa
Q	Quebec
R	Romeo
S	Sierra
T	Tango
U	Uniform
V	Victor
W	Whiskey
X	X-ray
Y	Yankee
Z	Zulu

Western Union Phonetic Alphabet

Letter	phonetic letter
A	Adams
B	Boston
C	Chicago
D	Denver
E	Easy
F	Frank
G	George
H	Henry
I	Ida
J	John
K	King
L	Lincoln
M	Mary
N	New York
O	Ocean
P	Peter
Q	Queen
R	Roger
S	Sugar
T	Thomas
U	Union
V	Victor
W	William
X	X-ray
Y	Young
Z	Zero

THE ABC's OF SELLING

Availability for your customers is essential, so they can reach you with questions, concerns or re-orders
Believe in yourself and your company, or find something else to sell.
Customers aren't always right, but if you want to keep them as your customers, find a way to make them right.
Deliver more than you promise
Education is for life. Never stop learning
Follow-up and follow through. Never leave a customer hanging.
Goals give you a reason to go to work everyday. When you reach your goals, set higher ones.
Humanize your selling strategy by learning everything you can about your customers.
I is the least important letter in selling
Join trade organizations and community groups that will help you both professionally and personally, such as Toast-masters, Chamber of Commerce, Rotary club or Junior achievement.
Know your competitors and their products as well as you know your own.
Listen to your customers or they'll start talking to someone else.
Maybe is the worst answer a customer can give. No is better than maybe. Find out what you can do to turn it into a yes.
Networking is among the most important skills a salesperson can develop. Someone you know knows someone you need to know.
Opportunities are everywhere. Keep your antennae up.
Price is not the only reason customers buy your product, but it is a good reason.
Quality can never be sacrificed if you want to keep your customers satisfied.
Relationships are precious: They take time to develop and are worth every minute you invest in them.
Service from a customer's point of view means: “Serve Us” Remember this if you want to stay in business for a long time.
Trust is central to doing business with anyone. Without it, you have another word that begins with T: Trouble.
Unlimited potential is possible whether you sell computers or candy. You are the only one who can limit your potential.
Volunteer: it's always good to give back. You'll probably find that you get more than you give, and there is no shortage of organizations that need your help.
Winning doesn't necessarily mean beating everyone else. A win-win situation is the best of both worlds.
X-Ray and cat-scan your customers so that you know everything about then – then you can serve them better.
You is a word your customers need to hear often, as in what can I do for you?
Zeal is a critical element in your presentations, service and life in general. Let your enthusiasm shine through!