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A senior moment

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember ..
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure..'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast ?'

To the love of my life

Who's wearing the pants.....!

Mike was going to be married to Karen, so his father sat him down for a
little chat.

He said, 'Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our
honeymoon suite I took off my pants, handed them to your mother, and
said, 'Here - try these on.'

She did and said, 'These are too big. I can't wear them.'
I replied, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.'
'Ever since that night we never had any problems.'

'Hmmm,' said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try. On his
honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, 'Here - try these
on.'
She tried them on and said, 'These are too large. They don't fit me.'
Mike said, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. I
don't want you to ever forget that.'

Then Karen took off her pants and handed them to Mike. She said,
'Here-you try on mine.'

He did and said, 'I can't get into your pants.'
Karen said, 'Exactly. And if you don't change your smart ass attitude,
you never will.'

And they lived happily ever after.

He's the reason I became a rider

When I was a kid my brother Jerry took me to watch the great escape and I immediately got hooked on Motorcycles when Steve McQueen made that jump over the Fence

Swine Flu Warning

DO NOT DO THIS.....!

Wonderful English from around the world

In a Bangkok temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

Doctors office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Dry cleaners, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the main road to Mombassa, leaving Nairobi:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.

In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

Hotel in Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel in Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOMS, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

Golf ....anyone....enjoy the day...!!!!

Healing hands:

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.**

The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. 'Please!!!! Please!!!! allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.

'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently
took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and
put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?

He replied: 'It feels great, but I think my thumb's still broken!'

Happy Easter to All

The Child

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife:

'There's no way I can be the father of this baby.

Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!

Have you been fooling ar ound behind my back?'

The wife smiled sweetly and replied: 'No, not this time!'

How to brake on a Motorcycle

Please take a moment and watch this video...I know most of us are very experienced riders and so on...but an occasional quick refresher never hurt anyone....also that site has other short videos on riding which could be interesting...especially if you have a young one learning to ride or a novice rider at home....enjoy the weekend everyone...!

How to properly brake on a motorcycle

An Elephant

Five-year old students were learning to read.
One of them pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said,"Look at this! It's a frickin' elephant!"

The teacher took a deep breath, then asked..."What did you call it?

"It's a frickin' elephant!It says so on the picture!"

And so it does...

" A f r i c a n Elephant "


Hooked on phonics! Ain't it wonderful?

A Friend in need

If I could catch a rainbow I would do it just for you And share with you its beauty On the days you're feeling blue.

If I could build a mountain You could call your very own; A place to find serenity, A place to be alone.

If I could take your troubles I would toss them in the sea, But all these things I'm finding Are impossible for me.

I cannot build a mountain Or catch a rainbow fair, But let me be what I know best, A friend who's always there.

Boys will be Boys

Enjoy your Sunday everyone...!

Here is a Canadian Fish Story for you....Awesome Catch On A Lake In Canada ... (56" - 55lbs. )This is a new record Northern Pike in Canada . He caught it on Cameron Lake , Ontario.

Check this thing out. The man (in the photos below), was fishing and caught a 36" Pike, as he was reeling it in, a 56" Pike tried to eat it !!!!!

He landed them both in the same net. The last picture is unbelievable..

3 Wise Men....

There were three fathers to be in a hospital waiting room, waiting for their babies to be born.

The first nurse comes out and tells the first father, "Congratulations you're the father of twins!" He says, “Great! I am the manager for the Minnesota Twins.”

The second nurse comes out and tells the second father, "Congratulations you're the father of triplets”! He says, "That's cool! I work for 3M."

The third father opens the window and jumps out.

The third nurse comes out, and asks, “Where's the third father?"

One of the other fathers said, "Oh he jumped out the window.”

The nurse asks, "Why?"

He replied, "He works for Seven Up!"

USS New York

She's finally here...note the twin towers as you scroll down

Things the media didn't cover - MESA AZ

At the Mesa AZ protest against President Obama, KFYI listeners brought signs telling Santa Obama what they wanted from the savior-based economy. Hats off to KFYI's Bruce Jacobs and J.D. Hayworth.

Have a great flight everyone...!

Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: 'We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways.'

Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, 'That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt.'

After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on with, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.'

Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!'

'Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.'

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: 'We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.'

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, 'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD! Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!'
A passenger in Coach yelled, 'That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!'

A Tribute to my Mom

I just got the bad news a few days ago while on a business trip that my 85 years young mom is stricken with innoperable cancer and has roughly 3 months to go, give and take whatever the Lord grants her in his grace. I just hope that she does not unecessarily lie there suffering. Being from Canada, the original song is in French, but there is a Spanish version and a beautifully executed Harmonica veriosn. I shall play this songs for as long as it takes for her to meet the Lord.!

La Mamma in Spanish

The original song

Haromonica version

Heaven and Earth

Your Heart is your Love

Your love is your Family

Your family is your Future

Your future is your Destiny

Your destiny is your Ambition

Your ambition is your Aspiration

Your aspiration is your Motivation

Your motivation is your Belief

Your belief is your Peace

Your peace is your Target

Your target is Heaven

Heaven is no fun without FRIENDS