Sunday, March 15, 2009

Have a great flight everyone...!

Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: 'We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways.'

Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, 'That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt.'

After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on with, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.'

Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!'

'Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.'

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: 'We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.'

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, 'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD! Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!'
A passenger in Coach yelled, 'That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!'


B.B. said...

One time while flying the Captain came on to tell us if we looked to the left side of the plane we could see the fire. What he actually meant to say was the wildfire that was on the ground.

Canajun said...

Those are great - my favourite is the last one though!

Voegtli said...

The comments are great and the pictures impressive.

I was never afraid of flying. And I have spent hundreds, if not thousands of hours in airplanes. But since about ten years I am scared "sh..less" of flying. Before we board the plane, I smoke about 10 cigarettes (providing that there is a smoking area). And I always want a seat just behind the wing. For me to see the flaps.
When we take off, sweat is puring down my face. And I only will ease, when I see that the flaps are coming in. When we start to descent, I anxiously "supervise" the moment the flaps come out again. Because then, basically, all will come to and end soon and we will be safely back on the "plancher des vaches". Well, sometimes it does not work as Turkish Airlines has shown us lately in Amsterdam.

Bill ~ {The Old Fart} said...

This post makes taking the bus or train inviting, unless you are on a Greyhound. Liked the joke at the end. I am not a good flier and appreciate it when the plane is on the ground. Do prefer Westjet over the rest.

Mr. Motorcycle said...

I particularily liked the 10th picture where the guy is running away from the plane tha hit the truck so hard he is air born!