Wisecracks from Larry The cableman

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'

22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

Just checking in on you

I thought I would look in on you and see
if you are sitting at your computer, and if you are ok.
Yup, there you are! You look great!!!!
Have a great day!

Play on words

Have fun with these...very brilliant to think of them...

1. ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds.

2.. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tried to do.

3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage.

4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with.

5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate.

6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.

7. ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living.

8. EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist.

9. HEROES: What a guy in a boat does.

10. LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money.

11. MISTY: How golfers create divots.

12. PARADOX: Two physicians.

13. PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.

14. PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm.

15. POLARIZE: What penguins see with.

16. PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.

17. RELIEF: What trees do in the Spring.

18. RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife.

19. SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does.

20. SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government official.

Seasons' Greetings, Merry Christmas from the North Pole

Happy Holidays..Merry Christmas..Happy New Year

Enjoy the Season Every one.... whoever you are, wherever you may be, whatever you may doing...Just remember...your loved ones are waiting for you...and that my friends....is what it's all about........!!!

Canadian Politics & Christmas

A Coalition Christmas Story

T’was three weeks before Christmas, when all through the house
The opposition was stirring, even Layton - the louse.
The dealings were waved in front of noses in the air,
In hopes that a Coalition soon would be there.

The Blocs were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of separatism danced in their heads.
And Jack in his ‘kerchief, and Stéphane - the sap,
Had just settled down for a long winter’s nap.
When all across the country there arose such a clatter,
Dion insisted, it didn’t really matter.
Away out the window, he threw with a flash,
The results of the election, amid the backlash.

The moon on the breast of Elizabeth May,
Suggested she might still be able to play.
When, what to her wondering eyes should appear,
But a weasely Frenchman with promises dear.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it was Jack Layton, the dick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name

"Now Dion! now, Duceppe! Now Mays - you vixen!
Let’s get together, It’s time to Listen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Let’s unite! Let’s unite! Separatists and all!"

And then, in a twinkling, they heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of Canadians, not aloof.
They drew in their heads, and turned around,
And down the chimney St Harper came with a bound.

He was dressed all in gold, from his head to his feet,
Letting them know he wouldn’t be easy to defeat.
A bundle of Tories he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a King, with nothing to lack.

His eyes-how they glared! his fists, how clenched!
He stands for democracy, and won’t see it trenched!
His droll little mouth was drawn up in a sneer,
For the governor-general soon would appear.

The promise of dissolving he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it caused encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a stern face and a little round belly,
And wanted to bury Dion in a bowlful of jelly!

Harper was elected by Canadians, voted in fair,
Not a Weasel, not a Separatist, not the guy with no hair!
With them getting together, it will have to be said,
Canadians will face the future with dread.

Harper spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Shook his head in disgust, then turned to the jerk.
And laying his middle finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a shout,
Trying to teach Canadians, what this is about.
And I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"This is the end of democracy, C’mon lets fight!"

Music Lovers....!!!!!

This site is great!!!

Just type in any song that was ever played, and see what happens. Then, following the
end of the song, it will keep playing songs of the same era forever.
http://www.theradio.com
Enjoy and God Bless you all in Music..................

Family Tree of Vincent Van Gogh

His dizzy aunt ----------------------------------- Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes------------------------ Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store -- Stop N Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia ----------------------- U Gogh
His magician uncle -------------------------- Where-diddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin -------------------------------- A Mee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half-brother ---- Gring Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach ------- Wells-far Gogh
The constipated uncle --------------------------- Can't Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt ---------------------- Tang Gogh
The bird lover uncle -------------------------- Flamin Gogh
The fruit loving cousin -------------------------- Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking ----- Way-to-Gogh
The little bouncy nephew ----------------------- Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco -------------------------- Go Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in an RV - Winnie Bay Gogh

I saw you smiling - there ya Gogh. . . !

I Believe............!

Birth Certificate shows that we were born,
A Death Certificate shows that we died,
Pictures show that we lived!
Have a seat . . . Relax . . . And read this slowly.

I Believe...That just because two people argue,
It doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue,
It doesn't mean they do love each other.

I Believe...That we don't have to change friends
If we understand that friends change.

I Believe...That no matter how good a friend is,
They're going to hurt you every once in a while
And you must forgive them for that.

I Believe...That true friendship continues to grow,
Even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love..

I Believe...That you can do something in an instant
That will give you heartache for life.

I Believe...That it's taking me a long time
To become the person I want to be.

I Believe...That you should always leave loved ones
With loving words.. It may be the last time you see them.

I Believe...That you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I Believe...That we are responsible for what we do,
No matter how we feel.

I Believe...That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I Believe…That heroes are the people who do what has to be done
When it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I Believe...That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I Believe...That sometimes the people you expect
To kick you when you're down,
Will be the ones to help you get back up.

I Believe...That sometimes when I'm angry
I have the right to be angry,
But that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I Believe...That maturity has more to do
With what types of experiences you've had
And what you've learned from them
And less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I Believe...That it isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I Believe...That no matter how bad your heart is broken
The world doesn't stop for your grief.

I Believe...That our background and circumstances
May have influenced who we are,
But, we are responsible for who we become.

I Believe...That you shouldn't be so eager
To find out a secret.
It could change your life Forever.

I Believe...Two people can look at
The exact same thing
And see something totally different.

I Believe...That your life can be changed
In a matter of seconds
By people who don't even know you.

I Believe...That even when you think
You have no more to give,
When a friend cries out to you -
You will find the strength to help.

I Believe...That credentials on the wall
Do not make you a decent human being.

I Believe...That the people you care about most
In life are taken from you too soon.

I Believe...the happiest of people
Don't necessarily have the best of everything;
They just make the most of everything.

A Tribute to the fallen

As 9/11 approaches, I can't help but reflect on what happened that day when America was viciously attacked by cowards. So many lives, needlessly lost, so many families forever destroyed, so many fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, daughters and sons left in disarray. The atrocity of 9/11 has, forever, changed the world order. No act of terrorism can ever be justified.
If you pray, please pray for the fallen and their families, and for all our soldiers, sons and daughters performing their duty overseas in order to protect us on the home turf. Use this moment to pause, remember and respect those patriots. Our Heroes.!