How strong are you really....

Two old drunks were lapping them up at a bar.

The first one says, "Ya know,
when I was 30 and got a hard-on,
I couldn't bend it with both hands.
By the time I was 40,I could bend it
about  10 degrees if I tried really hard.

"By the time I was 50,
I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem.
I'm gonna be 60 next week,
and now I can almost bend it in half
with just one hand."

"So", says the second drunk,
"What's your point?"

"Well", says the first,
"I'm just wondering how much stronger
I'm gonna get!"

A motorcycle helmet for your Cat...

Now you can take the whole family riding

UNBELIEVABLE PHOTO

This is a beautiful photo of a giant American flag in Arizona . The photo is authentic, UN-Touched and was taken on regular Kodak 35mm film. The person who took the Picture couldn't believe the image created by the suns rays. Nice of them to share it with the world!

Where did the name Sandy came from...anyone knows..?

Living.....Life

I came across this by accident and thought we should all take a moment to reflect...!

Finally.... a magazine for married men!!!

Naked except for the shoes

She Actually walked down a busy city street

with no 'real' clothes -- only those painted on her.

Most passersby didn't even give her a second look because the paint looked so much like clothing.

YES, she is totally naked!
The Shoes are Real!!!!

Lorraine..Lorraine

There was a guy and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine. She was very pretty and he liked her a lot. One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started working there. Her name was Clearly and she was absolutely gorgeous. He began to like her and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too.

But, he was a loyal man and he wouldn't get involved with Clearly while he was still going out with Lorraine. He decided that there was nothing for him to do but to break up with Lorraine and date the new girl. He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

One day as they were walking along the river bank, Lorraine slipped and fell in to the river. The current carried her off and she drowned. The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and singing, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone..."

T-shirt therapy......

The preacher

An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, 'Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.

This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this.

Now, I want the party who did this to stand up and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian Family.'

No one moved. The preacher continued, 'Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory Now stand and confess your transgression.'

Again all was quiet. Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, 'Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan.

I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets.' The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.

Arthritis....

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest.The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, 'Say Father, what causes arthritis?' The priest replies, 'My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.' The drunk muttered in response , then returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. 'I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?'

The drunk answered, 'I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does....

the mouse is missing..................

Something crashed on my computer

Innocence is Priceless

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it. The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, 'Good morning Alex.'

Good morning Pastor? he replied, still focused on the plaque. Pastor, what is this??

The pastor said, ? Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service?. ...Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked,

Which service...the 8:30 or the 10:30

Life was different back then....

Comments Made in the Year 1955!
That's only 54 years ago!

'I' ll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20.00.'

'Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $2,000.⁰⁰ will only buy a used one.'

'If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous.

'Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?'

'If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store.'

'When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 29 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage.'

'Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as long as the girls.'

'I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in GONE WITH THE WIND, it seems every new movie has either HELL or DAMN in it!'

'I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas '

'Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball?It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the President.'

'I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now.'

'It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet.'

'It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work.'

'Marriage doesn't mean a thing any more, those Hollywood stars seem to be getting divorced at the drop of a hat.'

'I'm afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business.'

'The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on.'

'There is no sense going for a weekend, it costs nearly $15.00 a night to stay in a hotel.'

'No one can afford to be sick anymore, at $35.00 a day in the hospital it's too rich for my blood.'

'If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it.'

Disney's wives....

In honor of my Scottish Friend...

This is a 1929 Sunbeam motorcycle

This picture is posted for my friend Subrosa of Scotland...

A Very Fine Lady

Medical Thinking on the Economy

Apparently the American Medical Association has weighed in on the new economic stimulus package....

The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception. Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!'

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness , while the Radiologists could see right through it.

The Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the hole idea.

The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Government.

3 Wise Men....

There were three fathers to be in a hospital waiting room, waiting for their babies to be born.

The first nurse comes out and tells the first father, "Congratulations you're the father of twins!" He says, “Great! I am the manager for the Minnesota Twins.”

The second nurse comes out and tells the second father, "Congratulations you're the father of triplets”! He says, "That's cool! I work for 3M."

The third father opens the window and jumps out.

The third nurse comes out, and asks, “Where's the third father?"

One of the other fathers said, "Oh he jumped out the window.”

The nurse asks, "Why?"

He replied, "He works for Seven Up!"

To be or not to be...!

If you're not good at what you do, why do you do it? If you are good at it, why do you doubt yourself? There's a time and a place for humility, for self-questioning and for submitting yourself to the learning curve of difficult experience. There's also a time for being proud, strong, sure and certain. You're not pretending to be well placed to help someone now... nor are you in your current situation by mistake. Be gentle and tactful by all means, but be strong enough to ensure that the right things happen in the right ways.

OK ...not sure what to do here....

Happy Valentine's Day

To all the girls I used to know

Julio is right here fo you