Wonderful English from around the world

In a Bangkok temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

Doctors office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Dry cleaners, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the main road to Mombassa, leaving Nairobi:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.

In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

Hotel in Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel in Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOMS, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

A Friend in need

If I could catch a rainbow I would do it just for you And share with you its beauty On the days you're feeling blue.

If I could build a mountain You could call your very own; A place to find serenity, A place to be alone.

If I could take your troubles I would toss them in the sea, But all these things I'm finding Are impossible for me.

I cannot build a mountain Or catch a rainbow fair, But let me be what I know best, A friend who's always there.

OK ...not sure what to do here....

Happy Valentine's Day

To all the girls I used to know

Julio is right here fo you

Madeira M'Dear - Flanders and Swann

She was young, she was pure, she was new, she was nice,
She was fair, she was sweet seventeen.
He was old, he was vile and no stranger to vice,
He was base, he was bad, he was mean.
He had slyly enveigled her up to his flat
To view his collection of stamps
And he said as he hastened to put out the cat,
The wine, his cigar and the lamps:
"Have some Madeira, m'Dear!
You really have nothing to fear.
I'm not trying to tempt you, that wouldn't be right;
You shouldn't drink spirits at this time of night.
Have some Madeira, m'Dear!
It's so very much nicer than beer.
I don't care for sherry and cannot drink stout
And port is a wine I can well do without.
It's simply a case of "chaçun à son goût".
Have some Madeira, m'Dear!"

Unaware of the wiles of the snake in the grass
And the fate of the maiden who topes,
She lowered her standards by raising her glass,
Her courage, her eyes and his hopes.
She sipped it, she drank it, she drained it, she did
And quietly he filled it again
And he said as he secretly carved one more notch
On the butt of his gold-handled cane.
"Have some Madeira, m'Dear!
I've got a small cask of it here
And once it's been opened, you know it won't keep
Do finish it up, it will help you to sleep.
Have some Madeira, m'Dear!
It's really an excellent year.
Now if it were gin, you'd be wrong to say yes,
The evil gin does would be hard to assess
(Besides it's inclined to affect my prowess)
Have some Madeira, m'Dear!"

Then there flashed though her mind what her mother had said
With her antepenultimate breath:
"Oh my child, should you look at the wine which is red
Be prepared for a fate worse than death!"
She let go her glass with a shrill little cry.
Crash! Tinkle! It fell to the floor.
When he asked "what in Heaven?" she made no reply,
Up her mind, a dash for the door.
"Have some Madeira, m'Dear!"
Rang out down the hall, loud and clear,
A tremulous cry that was filled with despair
As she paused to take breath in the full midnight air.
"Have some Madeira, m'Dear!"
The words seemed to ring in her ear
Until the next morning, she woke up in bed
With a smile on her lips, an ache in her head
And a beard in her earhole that tickled and said:
"Have some Madeira, m'Dear!"

Ha-ha-ha! Mmm..

Music Lovers....!!!!!

This site is great!!!

Just type in any song that was ever played, and see what happens. Then, following the
end of the song, it will keep playing songs of the same era forever.
http://www.theradio.com
Enjoy and God Bless you all in Music..................

My World

My World.
My world is full, the days are short
If I could wish, I would wish for time.
Life! Life! I would wish for Life!
To understand to breath it and then to exhale.
If I could live, till the day I die
Life would be splendid and very fine.
Life would be eternal, in the land of time.
Bursting with senses one is yet to feel.
Life is electric, like a lightning storm and yet,
One must never forget to taste, the salt of the earth
Rays of sunshine, rainbow through blue skies
With songs of birds and wind and sea
Mixed with smells of mint and green
In my world I could hug a bear, a lion, a dragon, a horse
Trust a gorilla’s caress on a child born of this fertile earth.
Allow the bees their nectar of life
And play with a spider on the tree of life
Orchards full of fruit and flowers
Oceans full of fish and lovers
Splashing the sweet gift of life everlasting,
Over waves and at each other.
Life ! Life ! All is Life!!
If I could, I would wish for time,
To live long, in this world of mine,
To make sure I could introduce,
To others, this great love on earth.
My World, so small and insignificant
So perfect and intelligent.
Balanced Mountains peaked in snow
Cool fresh breezes in valleys below.
Flush and pure exploding warmth
An oasis giving birth
To the new and to the old
One will never die in this world I know.
If I could live until I die
Fireworks from my heart would light the sky
Eternally, in a land of time, a world so full
It makes me smile.