Combating Pirates on the high Seas...

Research indicates....

Results of a recent research indicate that there are 7 kinds of
sex:

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.
This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex
until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each
other in the Hallway you both say 'screw you.'

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex.
This means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)

The 6th kind is called: Courtroom Sex.
This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws
you in front of everyone.

And last, but not least,
The 7th kind of sex is called: Pension Sex.
You get a little each month, but not enough to enjoy yourself.

Forced retirement

Dear employee:

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for all department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel. Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future

Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the next fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.

This program will be known as S.L.A.P. (Severance of Late-Aged Personnel).

Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company.

SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program will be called S.C.R.E.W. (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Elderly Workers).

All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management.

This appeal is called S.H.A.F.T. (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination) .

Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate.

If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to get: H.E.R.P.E.S. (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump-sum Assistance Payment).

As H.E.R.P.E.S. and C.L.A.P. are considered benefit plans, any employee who has received H.E.R.P.E.S . or C.L.A.P. will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.

Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board that the company will continue its policy of training employees through our: Special High Intensity Training ( S.H.I.T.).

We take pride in the amount of S.H.I.T. our employees receive. We have given our employees more S.H.I.T. than any company in this area. If any employee feels they do not receive enough S.H.I.T. on the job, see your immediate supervisor. Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all the S.H.I.T. you can stand.

And, once again, thanks for all your years of loyal service with us!

The Management

Welcoming 2009

TOAST TO BRING IN THE NEW YEAR!

May your home never be too small
To hold all of your friends.

May you live as long as you want
And never want as long as you live.

May you have warm words on a cold evening,
A full moon on a dark night,
And the road downhill all the way to your door.

May your neighbors respect you,
Trouble neglect you,
And the angels protect you.

Have a great one!