Little Johnny rides again

The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.'

The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate, not fascinating'.

Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see Rock City and I was 'fascinated.' The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.

She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him.

Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight.'

The teacher sat down and cried

Airbus 380 lands in Singapore

This post is for my Swiss Friend Peter

Worldman...for he's an aviation fanatic and an Airbus lover ....

1913 HD..not a Hard On...a Harley Davidson...might as well be a hard on

Happy Mother's Day to the Lady of my Life...for a biker she too is.

Happy Mother's Day to my darling wife! All my love to you this special day! Pleased to have you perched upon my life; Pleased to feel your passion in our play! You are the muse of my song, Mother of my evening and my moon, Of all the Earth, the place where I belong, Trellis on which my frail emotions bloom. How might I bring you basketfulls of beauty, Eliciting the smile I would see, Reflecting in the midst of drudge and duty, 'Twixt world and woe the simple fact of we. So might my love be all you need to knowDeep within our long-lived afterglow, A certitude on which your joy might rest, Yearning for the life with which we're blessed. Happy Mother's day to you, mother of our children, the Lady of my Life...!

Had a hard day....?

Sunday Prayer

I would rather have one rose and a kind word
from a friend while I'm here
than a whole truck load when I'm gone.

Happiness keeps You Sweet ,
Trials keep You Strong ,
Sorrows keep You Human ,
Failures keeps You Humble ,
Success keeps You Glowing ,
But Only
God keeps You Going

Things You Notice When You're Over Fifty

Golf - New official song of the PGA....

Brussels in Bloom

Having internet problems...don't call your ISP

Canada's Prime Minister.......Stephen Harper sings Beatles song with Yo Yo Ma

Harper shocked the audience by coming on stage and sitting at a grand piano. With Ma on cello, along with two guitarists and a drummer, they performed the classic Beatles hit, with Harper providing the lead vocals.

CBC's Evan Solomon, who attended the gala, said Harper's performance stunned and wowed the crowd, and received high praise even from members of opposition parties who were also there for the evening.

Click on the link below to enjoy Ottawa's got talent

Prime Minister of Canada sings a Beatlles song

Chicken a la Carte

By: Ferdinand Dimadura

Are you smarter than a fifth grader....

Tight families

Business...as usual

Medical Expenses...killing you?

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said; "I'm sorry, your duck (Cuddles) has passed away." The distressed woman wailed; "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead." replied the vet.
"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around, and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table, and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly, and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said; "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried; "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!?"
The vet shrugged; "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but.....with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150.

How to tell a banana has gone bad...

The military is got it wrong.......

This was written by a Former Soldier-

New Direction for any war: ' Send Service Vets over 60'!

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists.
You can't be older than 42 to join the military.

They've got the whole thing a%#-backwards.
Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys.

You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters:

Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds.

Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier.

'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry' we are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m.

Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell.

Besides, like I said, 'I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical SOB....

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them.
In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food.

We've also developed an appreciation for guns..

We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too.

I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet. An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl.
He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists.

The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.