How are husbands like lawn mowers?They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
How do men define a "50/50" relationship?We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
How do men exercise on the beach?By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?Make him wear shoes.
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals.
"How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
How many men does it take to open a beer?None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?One-He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?Two. If you slice them very thinly.
What did God say after creating man?I can do so much better.
What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?Any place without a drive-up window.
What do you call a handcuffed man?Trustworthy.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
What do you call a man with half a brain?Gifted.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?Exchange him.
What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?A power failure.
What should you give a man who has everything?A woman to show him how to work it.
How can you tell when a man is well hung?When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Why does it take 100 million sperms to fertilize one egg?Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
How do men define a "50/50" relationship?We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
How do men exercise on the beach?By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?Make him wear shoes.
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals.
"How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
How many men does it take to open a beer?None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?One-He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?Two. If you slice them very thinly.
What did God say after creating man?I can do so much better.
What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?Any place without a drive-up window.
What do you call a handcuffed man?Trustworthy.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
What do you call a man with half a brain?Gifted.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?Exchange him.
What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?A power failure.
What should you give a man who has everything?A woman to show him how to work it.
How can you tell when a man is well hung?When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Why does it take 100 million sperms to fertilize one egg?Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
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28 comments:
Thank you ! Thank you! I am laughing hard! I needed that! Your blog is so much fun!
How did you know about my light bulb changing systems? :)
BBE
That picture could have been me - once upon a time long gone!
Ellie, you're very welcome... I have now read each one of your posts...I'm back so I'll post regular now... Cheers and keep well.
BBE....It's our ability to talk about the screw that unites us....!
Subrosa...I have a sense your still a fox...Lassie...
Well, there is some truth in these statements. And I am sure the ladies will be happy that you (a man) presented us the way they feel (sometimes) about us.
Peter...It's all about philosophy and life.... If we can make them laugh a little...why not...
pffft...I don't believe a word of these ROFLMAO Nice ass I must say :)
Sorry, you were saying...?
I'm kinda stuck at the picture.
Canajun...yeah me too bro....! lol
Nice Picture, I didn't really concentrate on the rest of the post, Sorry
I saw this post three times before I realized there was text with it. ;)
Nice "Bike" in the pic!
Baron.... why did you post all the other stuff below that wonderful picture? I did not read it... should I have?
So yer wife was holding out on ya after posting the lawn mower was she? Now it takes no dummy to see why a man would bash "man" kind like this. We forgive you. We understand. You have needs that weren't being met.
The good thing about us men, is we give women a purpose in life lol..
Post the rest of those pics, dont keep them for yourself lol..
Cheers
Dave..
Thom...I agree with you...nice ASS for sure...
TOF, Bill ,...don't blame ya bro
Danny... I did the same and I still skip the words below the picture...
Donnie..body work is your specialty if I remember well, isn't it?
Sean...read? read what my friend? a picture is woprth a thousand words...isn't it?
Mr. Motorcycle...God bless you brother for you understand everything...must be the voice of experience talking here
Dave...Just so long as you don't tell them the secret, then we're in good shape
Soooo funny shall print a few of them off :)
Linda, thanks for the visit...enjoy and use them as best you can
In the pic Chick has nice pants!
what do you call a woman who works twice as hard as a man? LAZY!!!!
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