Thursday, October 22, 2009

Economic Stimulus packages.....



Q. What is an Economic Stimulus payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV
Set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
• If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China.
• If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
• If you purchase a computer, it will go to India ..
• If you purchase fruit or vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala .
• If you buy a car, it will go to Japan.
• If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.
• If you pay off your credit cards, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses, and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in by:
1. Spending it at yard sales, or
2. Going to ball games, or
3. Beer or
4. Tattoos.
(These are the only businesses still operating in North America.)

5 comments:

Canajun said...

Sad, but true.
I've started by making a concerted effort to buy local wherever I can - local farmers, locally-owned businesses, etc. And I'm prepared to pay a bit more to support the local economy. What's most encouraging is that I'm not alone, but if more folks did the same we'd be in far better shape - stimulus or not.

Danny said...

Be sure the beer you buy is local. Don't forget that the Germans have been buying beer companies.

MeanDonnaJean said...

Personally, I'm more in favor of the tattoo suggestion. And now that ya mention it, I'm just about due for another one.

Anybody out there willin' to donate to my cause? I could use some good ol' kinda stimulation myself.

Anna said...

Its late, but this made me really laugh - thanks! Anna :)

Conchscooter said...

Of course it was our dastardly elected representatives who stood idly by as we watched reality shows on the Boob Tube and the corporations (our advertising friends) who sent the work overseas. Ooops, perhaps we shouldn't have bought the free market NAFTA line the free market advocates were selling us?
Now what? Blame the "socialists" of course- thats what our advertising buddies tell us to do!
Damned gummint.