Friday, July 31, 2009

EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS


1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . ...' My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs and I was in the wrong one. Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco


2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,'. . . I instructed.'Yes, they used to be,'. . .replied the patient.Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA


3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.' Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg


4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. ' Which one ?'. . . I asked. 'The patch... The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm runningout of places to put it !' I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one. Submitted b y Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA


5. While acquainting myself w ith a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.' Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR


6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . .' So how's your breakfast this morning?'' It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.'. .. Bob replied. I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly..' Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit,


7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered . . . It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read . .. .' Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.' Submitted by RN no name


AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . .. . . . . .. .. . . . ..


8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB. I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said. . . ' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?' She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . . .. ' No doctor but the song you were whistling was . . . ' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.' ' Dr. wouldn't submit his name...

10 comments:

Danny said...

Hillarious, this made my day. Thanks for sharing!

Thom said...

OMG...I'm rolling in laughter here. These are awesome :) Happy Positive Day, 2009 Aloha :)

Lance said...

Excellent, all of them!

fasthair said...

Mr. Baron: Just too funny. I LOL more then once reading these gems! Made my Friday afternooon.

fasthair

ellievellie said...

I these real stories? - the first one must be a real joke - some of them may be real stories

Peter (Worldman): said...

Great, simply great. And ti shows that doctors are simple human being like us all. So is my actual doctor. My previous ones all thought they were God.

Mr. Motorcycle said...

Those are great! I particularly liked the first one!

Mediterranean kiwi said...

thanks for the jokes - it's enough for one a day to crack them up at the office

MeanDonnaJean said...

Now THAT'S some good stuff! Wish I had me some good "war stories" to tell, but workin' for an attorney/CPA/professor, trust me.....they are much too few 'n far between.

Hell, I can't even think of ONE.

George said...

Thanks for getting my Saturday morning off to a good start!